This transcript for White Collar is based on the transcriptions by Afiawri, with assistance from Photoash (hosts episodes and helped with parts of the transcripts), Wednesday_10_00 (helped with the Japanese in Home Invasion), and Tzikeh and Nightcamedown helped with the wine in Bottlenecked. Afiawri has generously granted us permission to share/host these transcripts.
Disclaimer: This transcript is intended for educational and promotional purposes only, and may not be reproduced commercially without permission from the producers. The description contained herein represents viewers' secondhand experience of White Collar.
[Cruz is watching a live video from the back of a van.]
Jones, climbing into the surveillance van: Morning, sunshines. Coffee? What we got? We got any head lines?
Cruz: Uh, not much. Although they keep bitching about his bible?
Jones: Could be a debt ledger.
Cruz: Well, whatever it is, it's missing and they ain't happy about it.
Agent: Hey, guys, we have a situation.
Cruz: Is that Barelli? What's he doing down here?
Jones: I don't know, but it can't be good.
Agent: That's Paul Ignazio, his nephew.
Jones: Yeah, turn the mic up.
Ignacio: You sure about this?
Barelli: Do it!
Jones: Damn, he's walking over here.
[There's a knock on the van door. Jones opens it.]
Ignacio: You guys are the FBI, right? We need your help.
[Cut to: Hughes' office.]
Barelli: Last week, somebody walks into my church and steals the bible.
Peter: Bible? An actual bible?
Barelli: Yeah, you know, the flood, Abraham sacrifices Isaac. You heard of it?
Hughes: Why do you want out help?
Barelli: I'm a tax paying citizen.
Peter: So? File a police report.
Barelli: Come on, Burke. You got your guys sitting on me. It's part of the game, I know, but it means I'm not free to, uh, find out who did this.
Peter: Yeah, it means you're not free to bust heads until you do.
Barelli: Do I have to take these accusations?
Hughes: Get to your point.
Barelli: This bible, it's not just some book that the Gideons leave on the night stand. This- this is five centuries of history. From Naples. The saints prayed over this book.
Hughes, quietly to Peter: Your personal feelings for Barelli aside, I don't need the archdiocese crawling down our necks because we refused to recover a medieval bible.
Peter: Fine. But if Barelli asked for our help, he must really want it back. [To Barelli:] All right, let's get this straight here. You may go to confession once a week, but the bureau doesn't forgive sins. We don't work for you.
Barelli: What do you want?
Peter: Shut down your book making operations at Masso’s club.
Barelli: Masso’s. It's a restaurant. See for yourself any time. After Thursday. Please. Please, help me fine my God damn bible.
[Cut to: Mozzie tapping his fingers on Neal's table.]
Neal: Please stop!
Mozzie: It's part of my process. Look, either you taught her too well or it's just a bottle.
Neal: It's more than that. This is the only thing Kate left me. There's a message here. [His phone rings.] Hello. Yeah, Peter, I'll be down in five. Oh, okay, I'm coming right now.
Mozzie: The man interferes yet again.
Neal: Can you please-?
Mozzie: Yes, I'll take it back to the lab, run some tests.
Neal: You don't have a lab. You have a storage unit.
Neal: Thanks, Moz.
[Cut to: Intro. Cut to: a church.]
Father D'Allesio: The bible belonged to the church of Saint Camillus De Lellis in Naples. It was brought here in 1903. Been the heart of our parish. Now this.
Cruz: No alarm, no witnesses, no sign of a forced entry. It looks like a smash and dash.
Peter: Anything unusual that night, Father?
Father D'Allesio: No, not that I recall.
Peter: Have ERT run the prints against the parish roster. Something tells me we'll get a few matches.
Barelli: Nobody from this parish stole that bible.
Peter: Oh, sure. Your guys are all choir boys, right Barelli?
Neal: No surveillance cameras.
Barelli: The Lord sees all. And that's good enough for us.
Peter: Maybe I'm getting my say whatevers mixed up, but didn't you used to run a soup kitchen here?
Father D'Allesio: Not anymore.
[Cut to: Neal's apartment.]
Neal: Who steals a bible?
Mozzie: People steal everything.
Neal: Why would we steal one? Just- in theory.
Mozzie: Uh, they're rare.
Neal: Nah, that makes them valuable, but not like a Picasso. It's definitely niche markets. Tough to fence. People get weird about buying stolen religious artifacts.
Mozzie: I think it's an ironied thing. That pesky eighth commandment.
Neal: Yeah. Thou shall not steal.
Mozzie: Well, it depends on what's important to people. Did you know that an original Star Trek dome lunch box goes for six hundred bucks? I don't try to explain it.
Neal: Well I can- I can appreciate that. But why this one?
Mozzie: Well, your missing book is famous. It's known as the healing bible.
Neal: Really? Attribution.
Mozzie: In 1588 the plague passed through Naples. Father Camillus carried the book into disease stricken ships in the harbor. Not a single person who touched the bible died.
Neal: Good story.
Mozzie: Twenty years later, a blind girl regained her sight when she rescued the book from a fire. I could give you many more examples.
Neal: Nah, I'm sure you could. Look. Maybe you don't steal it for the money. Maybe you steal it for you're a true believer.
[Cut to: the FBI office.]
Peter: A true believer?
Neal: You got something better?
Peter: Every person in that church has a felony record. Only people I don't suspect are the ones in prison. Neal: So let's start with the faithful.
Peter, reading: It cures blind nuns and lepers. Sounds like every story in Sunday school.
Neal: Look at this. In 1918, thirty thousand people in New York died from the Spanish flu. No one in this parish even caught a cold.
Peter: Maybe whoever took it thinks it's going to heal them.
Neal: It's worth looking into.
[Cut to: Peter and Neal walking into the church.]
Peter: Nobody in this church caught the flu.
Neal: It's true.
Peter: Why these guys and not the church down the block? Because of a book? Tough to swallow.
Neal: Thought you were Catholic.
Neal: Oh. So you don't think some higher power could have saved the congregation?
Peter: Oh, I'm more inclined to think they kept their doors shut and loaded up on vitamin C.
Neal: Maybe God works with what he's got.
Peter: And God said shut thine door and eat thine oranges?
Neal: Why not?
Peter: All right, look, when they dug up King Tut, everyone made such a big deal out of the curse of the pharaoh.
Neal: Yeah, two dozen people who entered the tomb ended up dead.
Peter: Yeah, they probably caught some old bacterial infection. Germs. There's your divine intervention.
Neal: God can't use bacteria?
Peter: I prefer my miracles with a little more smiting and lightning.
Father D'Allesio: Can I help you?
Peter: Thanks for seeing us again, Father. We wanted to run down one thing. You didn't tell us your bible was also known as a healing bible.
Father D'Allesio: I didn't think it was relevant.
Peter: Could be. Was there anybody in your church who was a true believer of the healing power of the bible?
Neal: Someone who was terminally ill, someone who had a sick family member.
Father D'Allesio: I was afraid this might happen.
Father D'Allesio: Mr. Barelli has discouraged the homeless from the church.
Peter: He made you shut down the soup kitchen. How Christian of him.
Father D'Allesio: The night of the theft, I let a homeless man sleep in the sanctuary. His name's Steve.
Peter: Is he sick?
Father D'Allesio: No. But someone very close to him is.
[Cut to: Steve petting his dog.]
Peter: Steve? Hi, uh, my name's Peter. This is my friend Neal.
Peter: You mind if we ask you some questions? The church you stayed in last week, they're missing a bible. You know anything about it?
Steve: Yeah, I took it.
Peter: Great. We need it back.
Steve: No. No, I need it back.
Neal: What do you mean? Where is it?
Steve: I took it from the church like he asked me to. Now he said that he would show me how to help Lucy get better. Then he took it from me. Now he has not brought it back. Do you know where he is?
Peter: No, I wish I did.
Neal: Who ask you to take the bible from the church?
Steve: Look, he said he would help Lucy get better. She's not getting better, okay? She's getting worse.
Neal, crouching down to dog height: What's wrong with her?
Steve: She's tired all the time. She don't eat nothing. Now, if I could get that bible back, she'll get better.
Peter: The man who asked you to take the bible. Did you meet him at the church?
Peter: Steve, if we showed you some pictures, do you think you could recognize him?
Steve: We just need to get the bible back, okay? 'Cause she's fading, all right?
[Cut to: Steve flipping through a book of mug shots.]
Cruz: You okay to keep going?
Steve: What? There's more of ‘em? Yeah, let's, uh, just get through this one, okay?
[Peter and Neal enter the office.]
Peter: Glad we followed your hunch. Hope it takes us somewhere.
Neal: Oh, ye of little faith.
Peter: Oh. Been waiting all day to drop that one, huh?
Neal: Been holding on to it since lunch.
Cruz: Um, I'm going to be right back. Okay.
Neal: That bad, huh?
Cruz: Yeah, that bad was about an hour ago.
[Of Peter fiddling with the last drops of coffee in a pot:] Just give me the damn thing.
Peter: No luck, huh?
Steve: No, not- not really. Look, um, I'm sorry I'm not more help to you. My bell got rung pretty good in Fallujah.
Peter: You were in Iraq?
Steve: Yeah. It's where I found Lucy. We called in this predator strike on this trigger house. Two hellfires came in and just destroyed everything. And I hear this little whimpering, so I lift up this piece of roof and there she was, just wagging her tail.
Peter: Well, you think you could look at one more book?
Hughes, from down the stairs to a group of agents: The rest of you go up there and make sure NYPD doesn't touch anything. Let's go get it.
Agent: Yes, sir.
Peter: What's going on?
Hughes: One of Barelli's men just got shot.
Jones: Paul Ignazio, Barelli's number two.
Peter: Barelli's nephew.
Steve: That's him.
Steve: That's the guy that asked me to take the bible.
[Cut to: A pier cordoned off with police tape.]
Police officer: Yeah, you're good.
Hughes: You wrap this up then have some lunch.
Peter: That's our boy. Close range.
Hughes: No eye witnesses.
Peter: The body's not waterlogged, so it's... fresh. Twenty-five caliber casing. European gage.???
Ruiz: It's twenty-two caliber. This is Brooklyn, buddy, not Bavaria. Pete Burke. This is a homicide, not an art exhibit. What are you doing here?
Peter: Ruiz, I see they let you out of your cubicle.
Ruiz: Yeah, this is my show now. Where's your pet convict?
Peter: I left him in the car with the windows cracked.
Ruiz: What are you doing at my crime scene?
Peter: This tails into my case.
Ruiz: This is mob retaliation. It's my investigation now. You don't believe me, ask Hughes.
Hughes: Now, don't. Don't start with me.
Peter: You've got Ruiz running organized crime? That's unbelievable.
Hughes: We offer you that bump every year, every year you turn it down.
Peter: This isn't mob on mob. The bible's the key to this thing.
Hughes: All you've got is a homeless guy with a spotty memory who thinks Ignacio may have enticed him into stealing the bible. What we got here is a dead member of the Barelli family. Probably killed by the Marettis.
Peter: All right. Fine. I'll stay out of the active investigation. Just let me take a look at whatever's on that body.
Hughes: It's Ruiz's case. And he's not comfortable sharing intel while Caffrey's with you.
Peter: Oh, come on.
Hughes: He's a convicted felon, Peter. And Ruiz isn't the only one with reservations.
Peter: All right.
Hughes: You have plenty of other cases on your sheet. Let organized crime handle this one.
Peter: Got it.
[Cut to: Neal and Peter on a different section of pier.]
Neal: We're off the case?
Peter: We've been asked to step down.
Neal: You think this is a retaliation killing by the other family?
Peter: I don't think Paul would've met a Maretti alone by this river. Not with all the bad blood in the water.
Neal: And if Ruiz is right?
Peter: And a Maretti killed him? We may be sitting on the edge of a mob war.
Neal: So what do we do?
Peter: I can't do much of anything. Ruiz is not willing to share the case file.
Neal: So where's that leave us?
Peter, significantly: Like I said, I can't do much of anything.
Neal: Wow, you know getting a little chilly, by this water, aren’t you? Think I can I borrow your jacket? I swear to you Peter, under no circumstances will I impersonate the FBI.
[Cut to: Mozzie in Peter's FBI windbreaker.]
Officer Dixon: Whoa! Where do you think you're going?
Mozzie: This is Paul Ignazio's apartment, right? Hi. Uh, Ted Jefferson from the evidence recovery team.
Officer Dixon: I don't care if you're Thomas Jefferson, I need ID.
Mozzie: Oh, sorry. I pulled a double hommie last night. Ah. It's in the van. My- my partner took it to see his girlfriend in Queens.
Officer Dixon: Not my problem, brother.
Mozzie: Look, I-I just need a urine swab from the vic's toilet. If I don't get it soon, it will spike the cross reactivity and then-
Officer Dixon: I got orders, too, pal. No ID, no pee.
Mozzie: Ahhh. Oh, I know! You can get it! It's easy. All you got to do is swab around the rim of the toilet then, drop the swab into the tube, screw the cap on the tube, and bam! We're good to go.
Officer Dixon: No way, I'm not doing that.
Mozzie: Okay. Now it's your problem. [He pulls out a phone.] Yeah, Cap, I got a local hero by the name of uh-
Officer Dixon: Okay, okay, pee boy, get it yourself.
Mozzie: Oh, turns out the hero's on our side. Never mind.
[Cut to: Mozzie letting Neal inside.]
Neal: Any problems getting in?
Mozzie: None. He thinks I'm swabbing toilets. Figure we've got about ten minutes until he gets curious. N eal: Why, is that the standard toilet swabbing time?
Mozzie: Yes, that's exactly what it is.
Neal: Now you look pretty comfortable in that FBI windbreaker. Maybe it's time to consider a new career path.
Mozzie: No, I prefer to keep my soul. What are we looking for?
Neal: Paul convinced our homeless guy to steal the bible. I want to know why, I want to know who killed him, and I want to know if they're related. He was researching something... Hundred Years war, the Crusades, illuminated manuscripts. [He flips through a book.] Why is a mob guy researching medieval history? You know the name Maria Fiametta?
Mozzie: Doesn't ring a bell. Who is she?
Neal: Art historian, Brooklyn State.
Mozzie: Serendipity. Paul had an appointment at Brooklyn State.
[Cut to: Peter on the phone.]
Peter: Find anything?
Neal: Your hunch was right. Ruiz is on the wrong trail.
Peter: And how did you learn this?
Peter: The same friend who-
Neal: Same guy. He's real, I'm not making him up.
Peter: Oh, I know he's real.
Neal: How much do you know?
Peter: Enough. What'd you find?
Neal: A professor who writes about the black market. Sicilian grave robbers, Egyptian smugglers, and Siberian mobsters. I mean, you can't run with those crowds unless you're willing to get dirt under your nails.
Peter: What's his name?
Neal: Her name is Maria Fiametta.
Peter: A woman. A regular Cyndi Anna Jones.
Neal: ...You want to go meet her?
Peter: Yeah, I think I do.
[Cut to: Maria walking towards Peter and Neal.]
Maria: You gentleman are with the FBI?
Peter: Yes. We’re hoping you could help us out on this one. We're working on a stolen bible. [To Neal:] Show her.
Maria, taking the photograph: Thank you, Agent...?
Neal: Neal. Caffrey.
Maria, amused: That's funny, there a very talented manuscript forger also named Neal Caffrey.
Neal: How talented?
Maria, even more amused: You're him. And you're with the FBI?
Neal: Ah, it's, uh, sort of a work release.
Maria: I have to ask is it true that the Vinland map is yours?
Neal: How could it be? But if it is a forgery, it's spectacular.
Peter: How about we get back to my current problem. A pre-Renaissance bible stolen from a church in Brooklyn.
Maria: It's… very beautiful, but it's not a bible.
Peter: It's not?
Maria: Pre-Renaissance, yes, uh, but it's too small to be a bible.
Peter: Then it's a book of hours.
Maria: Most likely, yes. In the Italian style.
Peter, to Neal: A large prayer book. To show their devotion, monks and nuns had to recite the songs, hymns or chants and specific times all day long.
Neal: Sunday school.
Peter: Lots of Sundays.
Maria: This is a particularly nice example.
Peter: Paul Ignazio thought so too.
Peter: Do you know him?
Peter: We believe he stole it.
Maria: Oh, well, I hope you catch him.
Peter: Can't, he's dead. Looks like a mob hit, but we're still hoping to figure out who took the book.
Maria: Well, I'd love to know. It's quite beautiful.
Peter: He's my card. If you hear anything, or come across someone who's looking to buy or sell something like that-
Maria: I will call you.
Peter: Thank you.
Neal: It’s a pleasure.
Maria: If you are ever in the mood to discuss medieval manuscripts…
Neal: You'd be surprised how often I'm in the mood for that.
[Cut to: Neal and Mozzie on a busy street.]
Mozzie: Was this just an exercise in Schadenfreude? Because you just win... it's just a bottle, man.
Neal: The lab needs to reexamine its work.
Mozzie: The lab went over every inch of the thing. Finger prints, chemicals, black lightnothing. I even tested the remnants of the wine left in the bottle. Which, by the way, was a very lovely boxed Franzia from early October. [Neal checks his phone.] Oh, you're FBI friend keeps you on a tight leash.
Neal: Keep looking, Moz. Something's there, kay?
[Cut to: Peter's dining table.]
Peter: She's lying about Paul and she's two degrees away from our homeless guy, but I also have trouble buying the fact that an attractive history professor offed a mobster.
Elizabeth, on the phone, coming in the door: No, you don't want me to see the missing inventory, because if I come down there, there's going to be a lot more missing than center pieces, you got that?
Peter: Okay, maybe it's not a complete stretch.
Elizabeth: Hey guys.
Elizabeth: Sorry, um, it's just my fender.
Peter: No, it's fine. We were just trying to decide if a woman is capable of murder.
Elizabeth: Oh, I think so. What's the issue?
Neal: All right, I think we're dealing with a shell game.
Peter: Visual aids, nice.
Neal, turning over some cups: Big gulp is Paul, dead mob guy. Coffee cup is Steve, our homeless vet. Mug is Maria. Napkin's the bible.
Peter: Make Maria the salt shaker.
Neal: Maria's the mug. Watch. We'll start with Paul who for some reason reads Maria's book and realizes that the healing bible's worth a hell of a lot of cash. [He places the Paul cup over the napkin and starts shifting the cups around.] But it's also Barelli's pride and joy, he doesn't want to risk Barelli's wrath, so he gets-
Neal and Peter: Steve to steal the bible.
Peter: Plausible deniability.
Elizabeth: But if it doesn't work, then he lets the homeless guy take the fall. Well, that's evil.
Neal: Mmm-hmm. Takes the bible from Steve, calls Maria to make the deal. Something happens.
Peter: Yeah, deal goes down wrong, or Paul decides he wants both the cash and book.
Neal, knocking over cups: Well, whatever it is, Paul ends up dead, the bible goes missing. Steve never even met Maria.
Peter: And our girl walks away clean with a very expensive book. [He lifts of the coffee mug, revealing a crumpled bill in the place of the napkin.] Okay, how'd you do that?
Elizabeth: Never reveal your secrets.
Neal: Well, how do we get Maria to reveal hers?
Peter: Weeell, if I stretch it, I might be able to get a warrant to get into her place.
Elizabeth: You know, if she's smart, she's not going to have that bible anywhere close to her.
Peter: El, I've never seen this devious side.
Elizabeth: Don't cross me.
Neal: Elizabeth's right about the bible, she won't keep it close.
Peter: I've got it. She knew who you were. Neal Caffrey, master forger.
Peter: Alleged, whatever. If she's got the book, it links her to the murder. She's going to want to get rid of it. We've got all the usual challenges locked down. But if she thinks you might be interested.
Neal: Convince her I'm pliable.
Peter: We find some street contacts, float it out that old Neal Caffrey is back in business.
Neal: No, that could take time to reach her and there's no guarantee.
Elizabeth: Why don't you just ask her out?
Peter: That could work. Think she'll say yes?
Neal: I could prob-
[The both look at her. She shrugs at Peter.]
[Cut to: an upscale restaurant.]
Neal, toasting: To history, old and new.
Maria: How does an FBI agent get a table here? It's like a six month wait.
Neal: Well, an FBI agent doesn't. Don't forget, I had a previous life.
Maria: Oh, yeah. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Neal: You could say that. How about you? Who were you in your previous life?
Maria: Same person I've always been. Nineties hair.
Neal: I doubt that. Let me see your life line. Come on, it’ll-it'll help fill in the blanks.
Maria: You're not seriously going to read my palm right now, are you?
Neal: Oh, calluses. Not afraid to get dirty.
Maria: Well, that's true. What else?
Neal: No ring, between that and the calluses, I'm guessing work gets in the way?
Maria: No ring for you either.
Neal: No. Prison got in the way.
Maria: So it must be weird for you, working for the FBI.
Neal: I don’t know. It's always interesting to read from the other team's playbook.
Maria: The other team. It thought you were out of the game.
Neal: Oh, I am. Retired and rehabilitated.
Maria: Have you found your missing bible?
Neal: Not yet. [whispering:] You know anyone who wants to buy one?
Maria: Maybe. Looters approach me all the time, so do buyers. It's a very attractive offer.
Neal: Sure is.
[Cut to: surveillance van.]
Cruz: UH, udge Rattigan faxed the warrant.
Peter: Excellent. All right, Neal's got orders to keep her away from her home for at least an hour. Can you bypass the alarm?
Cruz: Two minutes.
Peter: Let's do it.
[Cut to: Maria holding out a menu.]
Maria: Surprise me.
Neal: Oh, you sure? I might order something you don't like and then where would we be?
Maria: I trust you. After all, you work for the FBI.
Neal: More wine?
Maria: Now you read minds?
Neal: The question is, do you?
[Cut to: Maria's dark house.]
Jones: It's not bad for a college professor, huh?
Cruz: Yeah, well, she's either a crook or a trust fund baby.
Jones: Huh, yeah, maybe it's both.
Cruz: Heh, they usually are- [She catches the vase she knocked with her elbow.]
Jones: Nice catch.
Cruz: And not a bad place to drop a bug, either.
Jones: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good coverage. Let's do it. [Checking his phone:] Wow, she's bringing him back here for desert. [His phone reads:] TITLE: SUBJECT ENROUTE. SHE INVITED HIM BACK TO HER APARTMENT. YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO PLANT BUG AND GET OUT.
Cruz: Of course she is.
Jones: Why, you jealous you ain’t not getting any of it?
Cruz: Neal? No. I'm perfectly fine with the stale ass coffee I have in the van, thank you.
[Cut to: van.]
Peter: We good?
Jones: Yeah, we're good.
Peter: Careful, Lauren, don't spill that stale ass coffee. It's a bug. I can hear. They're home. Pull the tape.
Neal: After you.
[Cut to: Maria laughing.]
Maria: Some wine?
Neal: Why not?
Maria: Sooo. What should we talk about?
Neal: There's this story about these two spies. French Duke and an Italian Count. [Maria spots the bug.] They were sworn enemies who spent the entire year trying to kill each other, but on New Year's they got to ask a question that the other had to answer truthfully.
Maria: Yes. The trick was asking the right question because you might never get another chance.
Neal: I always thought honesty is a more challenging game.
[Cut to: van.]
Jones: Honesty is a more challenging game? Geez, how come my dates don't go like this?
Peter: Because you don't say things like honesty is a more challenging game.
Cruz: It's because nobody actually talks like that.
Peter: They do in Neal Caffrey's world.
[Cut to: Maria.]
Maria: This wine needs to breathe. I'm going to get a decanter. Why don't you put some music on? [She goes to another room and rewinds a video until she's watching Cruz and Jones plant the bug.]
Neal: What are you in the mood for?
Maria: Oh, you know!
Neal: Surprise ya.
[Cut to: Maria and Neal examining a bible.]
Neal: Ten years carrying the same bible. It's like stalking God.
Maria: If it weren't for the monks' devotion, we would have lost one of the most significant works of Greek literature forever.
Neal: It’s stunning.
Maria: I agree. [Whispering:] You know what? I don't trust you.
Neal: Smart. I wouldn't trust me either.
[Cut to: The suddenly very silent van.]
Cruz: Think we have a technical problem.
Peter: That's one way of putting it.
[Cut to: Maria standing very, very close to Neal.]
Maria: Let's play the spies game. I'll ask you a question.
Neal: And I have to tell you the truth.
Maria: And you have to tell me the truth.
Neal: Okay. Make it a good one.
Maria: Which Neal Caffrey are you? Are you working for the good guys? Or are you working a bigger game?
[Neal silently holds up a bug and drops it into a glass of wine.]
[Cut to: the van where weird noises are now being transmitted.]
Cruz: What happened?
Peter: Neal happened.
[Cut to: Maria looking surprised.]
Neal: That answer your question?
Neal: The feds linked the bible to Paul Ignazio and you to Paul through his visits to the college. Look, Maria. I'm living proof that if the feds want something from you, they'll turn your life inside out to get it. They'll tell Barelli you have his book.
Maria: Even if I don't?
Neal: I can get you two hundred fifty thousand in two days.
Maria: It is worth a lot more than that.
Neal: Not if you're in prison. Or dead. From the FBI and the mob, there’s no way you can move it. I can.
Maria: The other team's playbook. If I shouldn't risk it, why are you? Won't they send you back for good?
Neal, lifting his pant leg: I'm already in prison. We have a deal?
[Cut to: FBI office.]
Hughes: How did you know she was in on it?
Peter: Lucky hunch.
Hughes: Hmph. Ruiz?
Ruiz: I checked Paul's credit. He got wired ten Gs from a shell corporation in Gibraltar. Owned by your, uh, lady professor.
Hughes: Oh, by the way, how'd last night's fishing go? Get any tape?
Peter: Equipment failure. But Caffrey says she has the book. She'll sell, but only to him.
Hughes: Of course he'd say that. The terms?
Peter: Two fifty. Wired to a Swiss account.
Ruiz: No way. What if he cuts a deal with her? He runs away with the book.
Peter: What choice do we have?
Hughes: We don't. I don't need another dead body washing up in the east river. We'll set up a dummy account.
Peter: That's risky. What if she takes a shot at Neal?
Ruiz: I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Neal, just showing up: Morning, guys. Everybody sleep okay?
[Cut to: Peter's office.]
Peter: Caymans First National. I'll e-mail you the pin right before the buy.
Neal: First they're sending me back to prison, tomorrow they're giving me a quarter million tax payer dollars in an off shore account. I guess that shows how much confidence the have in you.
Peter: And how much I have in you.
[Cut to: The Burke house.]
Elizabeth: Morning, you're up early.
Peter: Yeah, couldn't sleep. Big day.
Elizabeth: I can tell. You're wearing your lucky tie. Hey, did you find the bible?
Peter: Yeah. The professor had it. Neal's going to buy it back.
Elizabeth: You’re giving him money. Wow. No wonder lucky tie.
Peter: No way. We set up a fake wire transfer.
Elizabeth: Then what are you worried about?
Peter: He has to convince her that he's working us, which means he has to cut his anklet. For real. The book's worth a fortune. He could run with it.
Elizabeth: Well, you have a lot more faith in a ratty old tie than you do Neal.
Peter: Yeah, well, this ratty old tie's never forged a priceless map of Vinland.
Elizabeth: Why is it so hard for you to believe that he'll do the right thing?
Peter: Let's just say that's not his first instinct.
Elizabeth: And trust isn't yours.
Peter: Occupational hazard. I like to know I can count on something.
Elizabeth: I know you do. But sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.
[Cut to: surveillance van.]
Ruiz, talking about Neal on the monitor: Look at him. Son of a bitch should be in leg irons, you ask me.
Peter: Nobody asked you, Ruiz.
Ruiz: He conned you, too, Pete, huh?
Cruz: Here she comes.
[Cut to: Maria.]
Neal, whispering: We have a chaperone. White van over my left shoulder.
[Cut to: Van.]
Cruz: What happened to not mixing business with pleasure?
Peter: That's for us, he's patting her down.
Ruiz: Need a cigarette after that pat down.
[Cut to: Neal finishing up.]
Neal: You're clean. Thank you. Your turn.
[Cut to: the agents watching them.]
Cruz: Well, what is that? She making sure that's not a gun in his pocket?
Maria: No bugs. So, where's my money?
Neal, holding up a phone: Where's my book?
Maria, unlocking her car: You ready?
Neal: When I cut the anklet, my friends in the van are going to know I'm running. Can you lose them? Because I’m not going back in.
Maria: I've been chased by the Carabinieri, drug cartels in Bogota-
Neal: I get it, you're good. [He cuts the anklet.]
Maria: With all due respect, Neal, we could make quite a fine pair.
Neal: With all due respect, Maria, shut up and drive.
[Cut to: van.]
Ruiz: He cut the tracker.
Peter: Right on schedule.
Ruiz: Oh, you knew about this?
Peter: Of course. He had to convince her he's rigging the system.
Ruiz: What if he really is?
Peter: There's a dozen unmarked in the area. NYPD has eyes in the sky. There's nowhere to hide. Let's go!
[Cut to: Lake front.]
Maria: Can't believe I'm doing this. I spent a long time looking for her.
Neal: Guess it wasn't meant to be. It's calfskin vellum, Abbesses Perfidia, Golden Chalice of Paul.
Maria: You satisfied?
Neal: Very. [He pulls out his phone.] Sending... it's on its way.
Maria, watching her phone: And her it is. Thank you very much.
Neal: It's a pleasure doing business with you.
Maria, pulling a gun: Mmm. You'll never know how much pleasure it could've been.
Neal: You know, I had a feeling all that lovey-dovey stuff last night was B.S.
Maria: Next time, you should trust your instincts.
Neal, pulling something out of his pocket: Oh, oh I did. Clip. Lifted it when I patted you down.
Maria: You forgot about the one in the chamber.
Neal: Damn it. I've never been a gun guy.
Maria: Give me the book, Neal.
Neal, holding the book up: Sorry, if you're going to take me out, it's going to cost you a small fortune. What's the matter, you can’t do it? Is it because of the money? Or the history?
Maria: I think you know the answer to that.
Neal: Is that why you killed Paul?
Maria: Paul decided that he wanted the money and the book!
Neal: Yeah, that’s what happens when you get greedy!
Peter, arriving: Drop the gun! Gun down, don't shoot. Gun down. Right now, put your gun down, your hands behind your head. Man down, man down!
Neal: Cut it a little close there, pal.
Peter, pointing at the bullet hole in the book: Guess the big guy had your back, huh?
[Pointing at Cruz arresting Maria:] Well, I'll tell you one thing. You made Lauren's day.
Ruiz: Yeah, now Barelli.
Peter: How did you and your cub scouts find out about this? NYPD?
Barelli: I got one of those police scanners. It's a hobby.
Cruz, putting Maria in the car: Head down.
Barelli: She's Paulie's shooter? Some kind of lover's quarrel?
Peter: Just business. I hate to break it to you, but your nephew decided to free lance behind your back.
Ruiz: It's sad. You know, you can't trust family, who can you trust?
Barelli: So if you guys are done, I'd like my bible back. Mass starts in one hour.
Peter: Would it kill you to say thank you? Huh? Would it? Yeah, I guess it would. All right, just give it to him Neal.
Peter: What do you mean what? Give the bible.
Neal: I gave it to some FBI guy.
Peter: Some FBI guy?
[Cut to: Moz in the FBI windbreaker, carrying the bible. Cut back to: Barelli.]
Barelli: Think you can get it over on me? You'll wish you were never born, pal.
Neal: I seem to be getting this speech a lot lately.
Ruiz: Hey, just shut up, Barelli.
Barelli: No way. This ain't over.
Ruiz: Where is it, Caffrey? I'll let Barelli give you a ride home.
Neal: Look, I'm telling you guys, I don't know.
Peter: Ohhh. I know where it is.
[Cut to: Barelli's church. Steve and Lucy have the bible.]
Barelli: Hey, paly. What are you doing with my bible?
Steve: She would've died without it, if I'd- [He hands it over and starts to leave.]
Barelli: Not so fast, whacko. You know who you're messing with?
Peter: You’ve got it, Barelli. Just leave him alone.
Barelli: No, I'm not just going to let this go. [Lucy licks his hand.] Ehe. Hey, sweet girl.
Steve: Her name's Lucy.
Barelli: Lucky Lucy. She don't look so good, what's the matter with her?
Steve: She's been sick. Until today.
Barelli: I got this vet in Yonkers. He saved my pugs from diabetes. Want to take a ride, go see him? Have her checked out.
Neal: I was going to give it back, after-
Peter: I know.
Neal: How'd you know?
Peter: Okay, I didn't know, but I took a leap of faith that you did the right thing.
Neal: Told you it's a healing bible.
Peter: Oh, here we go. No way. Barelli's a softie for dogs.
Neal: Oh, not enough smiting and lightning for you?
Peter: That's not a miracle. It's not a parting of the Red Sea.
Neal: Take my miracles where I can get them.
Peter, to some FBI agents arriving with the anklet: We have the honors?
Neal: She's back.
Peter: Hey, is that my jacket?
Neal: He works in mysterious ways.
[Cut to: Mozzie, asleep, and Neal in Neal's apartment. Neal places the bottle in front of a candle. A map is revealed.]
Neal: Mozzie, wake up. Moz! Mozzie!
Mozzie: Let me see your warrant. Oh. What?
Neal: C’mere. Lemon juice and a candle.
Mozzie: How did I miss this?
Neal: Weren't you ever a boy scout?
Mozzie: Oh, I got kicked out. Pinewood derby, magnets, it was a whole- thing.
Neal: It's a map.
Mozzie: Of the New York City subway. What do you think it means?
|Season 1 Transcripts|
Pilot Transcript · Threads Transcript · Book of Hours Transcript · Flip of the Coin Transcript · The Portrait Transcript · All In Transcript · Free Fall Transcript · Hard Sell Transcript · Bad Judgement Transcript · Vital Signs Transcript · Home Invasion Transcript · Bottlenecked Transcript · Front Man Transcript · Out of the Box Transcript → S2: []